用過英文跟人家講笑話嗎?如果每用過的話，下面本站小編就給您獻上幾段英文小笑話，讓你可以在朋友間用英文發揮出你的幽默。
1. A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!" "Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back. "You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 一位列車員正要發出信號讓火車啓動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂裏另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。 “快點，小姐!”他喊道：“請把門關上。” “噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”她回答道。 “請把門關上好了，”列車員說：“其餘的事由我負責。”
2. 週一早上....正在沖泡着濃郁的咖啡，一個有趣的對話發生了... "Daddy?How did I come into this world?" 「爹地，我是怎麼來到這世界的?」 "Well,my child,someday I"ll have to tell you anyway." 「哦，兒子啊，總有一天我會讓你知道的。」 "So why not today?Please!" 「拜託!爲什麼今天不行?」 "OK,but listen carefully." 「好吧，你仔細聽着!」 "Mom and Dad met each other in a cybercafe. 「你媽和我在網吧相遇而認識， In the restroom sof that cybercafe,dad connected to mom. 並在網吧的洗手間你媽和我使用了超級鏈接， Mom at that time made some downloads from dad"s memorystick. 那時你媽從我的隨身插硬盤下載一些數據， When dad finished up loading wed is covered we used no firewall. 當我完成上傳時，我們發現我們沒有使用防火牆， Since it was too late to cancel or delete, 因此，想要取消或刪除都已爲時太晚， nine months later we ended up with a virus." 就這樣，九個月以後我們最終生出一個病毒。」
3. Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? 湯姆：威廉向我借五英鎊。我該不該借給他? Jack: Certainly. 傑克：當然應該了。
Tom: And why? 湯姆：爲什麼? Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. 傑克：否則他就該跟我借了。
4. An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?' 'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.' The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.' 'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.' 'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.' 一位耳聾並且總是嫌東西太貴的老太太走進一家商店。 她問店員：“這東西要多少錢?” “七美元，太太，這是很便宜的。” 老太太說：“太貴了，十四美元差不多。” 店員忙說：“我沒說十七美元，是七美元。” “還是太貴，”老太太說：“五美元，我就買啦。”
5. Mr. Johnson: Are you using you mower this afternoon? h: Yes. son: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it? 約翰遜先生：今天下午你準備用割草機嗎? 史密斯先生：是的。 約翰遜先生：太好了。既然您不用網球拍，那我可以借用一下嗎?
6. They Are Directly from America Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was mady out of last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money are real U.S. dollars. directly from America. ” 一位中國老婦人到美國去看望女兒回來不久，到一家銀行取存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃檯，銀行職員認真仔細的.檢查了每一張鈔票看，是否有假。這種做法使老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，是從美國直接帶來的。”
7. He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎? 約翰尼：他害病臥牀了。他受了傷。 湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒? 約翰尼：我們做遊戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
8. Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家裏。他媽媽問，“發生了什麼事?” “一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。 “再見到他你能認出來嗎?”媽媽問。 “他走到哪裏我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜裏呢。”
9. A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢幹什麼了?” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你爲什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢?” “她是個賣糖果的。”