1、Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠藥
鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫生，醫生給他開了一些強力安眠藥。
星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過來。他到了辦公室，遛達進去，對老闆說："我今天早上起牀一點麻煩都沒有。"
"好啊!"老闆吼道，"那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了?"
2、Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一塊兒回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道："爸爸，'醉'字是什麼意思?" "唔，孩子，"父親回答說，"你瞧那兒站着兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。" "可是，爸爸， "孩子說，"那兒只有一個警察呀!"
3、A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
"昨天給你的錢幹什麼了?"
"我給了一個可憐的老太婆，"他回答說。 "你真是個好孩子，"媽媽驕傲地說。"再給你兩分錢。可你爲什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢?"
"她是個賣糖果的。"
4、A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
一個人正朝着一個富人的房子走去，當他沿着路走時，在路的一邊他發現一箱好蘋果，他說："我不打算吃那些蘋果，因爲富人會給我更多的食物，他會給我很好吃的東西。"然後他拿起蘋果，一把扔到土裏去。 他繼續走，來到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對岸，他等了一會兒，然後他說："今天我去不了富人家了，因爲我不能渡過河。" 他開始回家，那天他沒有吃東西。他就開始去找吃的，他找到蘋果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來吃了。 不要把好東西扔掉，換個時候你會覺得它們大有用處。
5、he lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了："讓我向進化論者提個問題--如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長着尾巴，那麼現在尾巴到哪裏去了?"
"我來試試看，"一位老太太說。
"該是我們在這裏坐這麼久把它們磨掉了吧。"
6、"I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth ."
"Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!"
"Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office ."
"對不起，夫人，爲您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。"
"20美元!爲什麼?不是說好只要4美元。"
"是的，但是你的.孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。"
7、"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
"孩子，你爲什麼用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了嗎?"
"沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵裏進，一個耳朵裏出，所以我要把它堵在裏面。"
8、A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they're eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, "Father, is it expensive to be married?" And the father said, "Yes, son, it is very expensive." So the son asked, "How much does it cost?" And the father said, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學校的同學。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會迷戀班上某個人，然後就以爲自己戀愛了。因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結婚很花錢嗎?」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非常花錢。」兒子又問：「要花多少錢呢?」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現在還一直在付錢啊!」
9、Son: Dad, give me a dime.
Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes?
Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?
兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。
父親：兒子，你不認爲你已經長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎?
兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎?
10、Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.
史密斯先生：服務員，我的湯裏有一隻死蒼蠅.
服務員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的.