英語小笑話一：
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢幹什麼了?”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你爲什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢?”
“她是個賣糖果的.。”
英語小笑話二：
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什麼意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站着兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”
英語小笑話三：
Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
進步
一位學生對另一位說：“你的 英語 最近學的怎麼樣?”
“很好，我過去不懂英國人說話，可現在是英國人不懂我的話了。”
英語小笑話四：
Making Granny Glad
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
讓奶奶開心
一個主日學校校(基督教教會爲了向兒童灌輸宗教思想, 在星期天開辦的兒童班)的老師在對學生講使別人高興的重要性。“現在，孩子們，”她說：“你們當中有誰讓別人高興過?”
“我，老師，”一個小男孩說：“昨天我就使別人高興過。”
“做得好，是誰呢?”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。現在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的。”
“是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個小時。然後我跟她說：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她說：‘啊，我很高興!’”
英語小笑話五：
Half or Five Tenths
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
半個還是十分之五
老師：你願意要半個柑橘，還是十分之五個柑橘?
傑拉得：我寧可要半個。
老師：仔細想想，說出理由來。
傑拉得：因爲你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就損失太多了。