一個人的聰明才智會在幽默的談吐中閃光，並且會深深吸引他人。下面，本站小編給大家收集整理了英語爆笑笑話，增加幽默細胞，聰明的你一定會成爲閃光點。
英語爆笑笑話：Older Goats in America美國老羊
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
一羣美國人乘長途汽車在荷蘭旅遊。他們在一個奶酪場停下來。一位年輕的導遊帶他們參觀了奶酪製作的全過程，解釋說用的是羊奶。 她指給這羣人一個美麗的山坡，山坡上許多羊在吃草。對這些，她解釋說，是放逐草地的老羊，它們已不能再產奶。她然後問道：“在美國你們怎樣處理老羊呢?”
一位活潑的老紳士回答說：“他們讓我們乘車旅行!”
英語爆笑笑話：問問你自己的吧
Ask Your OwnIt was a cold，raw day at p Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the k declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make sallied forth. “What time is it，Bub?They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met. “Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply.
這是華盛頓的一個陰冷天。錢普·克拉克正和一個來訪的英國人討論城市的流浪兒，英國人詳細地敘述着倫敦式天才的機智。克拉克宣稱，要是對方向華盛頓街上任何一個兒童提任何問題，那孩子都會對答如流。他們便出發了。 “什麼時候了，小兄弟?人們說你能用鼻子報時。” 回答是：“先生，問問你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”
英語爆笑笑話：哪有人能彎腰彎那麼低的
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
我們的餐廳經理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者，我應該說，他是有點矮!一天，經理怒氣衝衝地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”
我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那麼低的啊”!
英語爆笑笑話：The Monkey
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
一男子去酒吧，點了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。當他環視酒吧時，發現一隻猴子蕩下來，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。該男子問酒吧招待，這隻猴子是誰的`。服務員回答說是鋼琴手的。男子走到鋼琴手面前問：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒嗎?”鋼琴手回答說：“沒有，但是如果你能哼唱，我會爲你演奏的。”
英語爆笑笑話：絕配
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
"Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase."
一個富有的主婦很是驕傲因爲她收藏了一件非常有價值的古董花瓶，於是她決定把臥室粉刷成與花瓶同樣的顏色。許多油漆匠都試圖盡力與花瓶的顏色匹配，但是沒有任何人能做得 讓那古怪的女人滿意的。
一個油漆匠很自信他能做到，最終他成功了。那個主婦很滿意，於是這個油漆匠也變得很出名。
多年以後，油漆匠要退休了，他把自己的生意交給兒子去經營。“爸爸”兒子問“我還有些事情想知道，你怎麼能把牆粉刷得和花瓶的顏色那麼相配?”“兒子”爸爸回答到“我只不過是把花瓶刷了。”
英語爆笑笑話：I didn't know that I was so far back already
A big battle was going on during the First World were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about r an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle. After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim. The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going?” “I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered. “Do you know who I am?” the officer said to him angrily.“I'm your commanding officer.” The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already!”
第一次世界大戰期間，一場大戰役正在進行。槍炮轟鳴，炮彈和子彈到處亂飛。這樣過了一個小時後，一個士兵認定戰鬥對他來說變得太危險了，所以他離開前線開始逃離戰場。步行了一個小時之後，他看見一個軍官向他走過來。那軍官叫住他說：“你要到哪兒去?” “長官，我正儘可能遠地躲開我們身後正在進行的戰役，”士兵回答說。 “你知道我是誰嗎?”軍官生氣地對他說：“我是你的指揮官。” 那士兵聽到此話感到非常驚訝，說：“天哪，我想不到我已經往回跑了這麼遠了!”
英語爆笑笑話：吝嗇鬼的聚會
The Mean Mans Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
吝嗇鬼的聚會
一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了後，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“爲什麼我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空着手來吧?”