他什麼都沒聽到的英語笑話確實讓人很開心，你也來看看吧。
保證沒走錯To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.
在一家電影院裏，一名觀衆在演出期間站了起來，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。
A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
幾分鐘後，他回到那排位子並問坐在首位的那位男士道：
"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
“對不起，請問我剛纔出去的時候是踩着你的腳嗎?”
"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
“是的，不過沒什麼關係，一點也不疼。”
"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
“噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。”
傳教士買鸚鵡A preacher is buying a parrot
A preacher is buying a parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡。
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
“噢，絕對不會。它是一隻虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
“你看見它腿上的那些細繩了嗎?當你拉動右邊這根，它會背誦天主經;當你拉動左邊那根，它會背誦讚美詩。”
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩根繩子，會發生什麼呢?”
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
“我會從樹幹上掉下去，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
誰纔是有色人種
Dear white, something you got to know
親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。
When I was born, I was black.
當我出生時，我是黑色的
When I grow up, I am black.
我長大了，我是黑色的
When I’m under the sun, I’m black.
我在陽光下，我是黑色的
When I’m cold, I’m black.
我寒冷時，我是黑色的
When I’m afraid, I’m black.
我害怕時，我是黑色的
When I’m sick, I’m black.
我生病了，我是黑色的'
When I die, I’m still black.
當我死了，我仍是黑色的。
you—white people,
你——白種人
When you were born, you were pink.
當你出生時，你是粉紅色的
When you grow up, you become white.
你長大了，變成白色的
You’re red under the sun.
你在陽光下，你是紅色的
You’re blue when you’re cold.
你寒冷時，你是青色的
You are yellow when you’re afraid.
你害怕時，你是黃色的
You’re green when you’re sick.
你生病時，你是綠色的
You’re gray when you die.
當你死時，你是灰色的
And you, call me color?
然後，你叫我“有色種人”?
他什麼都沒聽到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對於顧客們的各種情緒早已習以爲常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什麼問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個早上都在家啊。他說他什麼都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之後，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形於色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什麼好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。