上帝的小孩
A preschooler asked his mother, "Mom, tomorrow our teacher is going to ask who my father is. What should I say?"
The mother said, "Just tell her that God is your father!"
The next day, the boy went to school, and the teacher asked him, "Who is your father?"
Scratching his scalp, the boy could not find an answer to the question.
The teacher asked again, "Who is your father?"
The child confessed, "I used to think that Mr. Smith was my father. But yesterday my mother told me that I am the son of another person, and I cannot remember his name!"
有一個上幼稚園的小孩問他媽媽：“媽媽，明天老師會問我們，我爸爸是誰，那我應該怎麼回答呢?”
媽媽說：“那你就說，上帝就是你的爸爸啊!”
隔天他來到學校，老師問他：“你爸爸是誰?”
那個小孩在那邊抓頭抓腳，想不出來答案。
老師再問一次：“你爸爸到底是誰?”
那個小孩就說：“我本來認爲我爸爸是史密斯先生，不過昨天我媽媽又說我是另外一個人的兒子， 我一下子忘記他的`名字了。”
她懷孕了嗎?
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new doctors ... but after 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
有個婦女去看病，爲她診治的是一名年輕的醫生。檢查進行了大約四分鐘，她哭着跑了出去，在走廊裏面一邊跑一邊大叫着。一位老醫生攔住了她，問她發生了什麼事，婦女告訴了他事情的經過。聽她說完，老醫生讓她坐在另一間屋子裏放鬆一下，他自己穿過走廊來到新醫生的辦公室：“你是怎麼搞的?特里太太今年63歲，她的四個孩子都成年了，還有7個孫子孫女，可是你居然對她說她懷孕了?”新醫生繼續做着他的紀錄，眼皮都沒擡一下：“她現在還打嗝嗎?”
請問你們有多少人?
An American stepped into a gun shop, "Give me the most powerful pistol."
"How many bullets do you need?"
The American walked to a telephone booth, "Hello. Is that the bank? How many people do you have, Please?"
一個美國人走進槍支商店：“給我拿一支威力最大的手槍。”
“您需要多少發子彈?”
那個美國人走到公用電話間旁打電話：“喂，銀行嗎?請問你們有多少人?”
太陽和月亮
Two boys are talking about the sun and the moon. "Which one of them is more useful?" asked one of them.
兩個男孩在談論太陽和月亮。“它們中哪個更有用?”其中一個問道。
"Of course the moon is. The moon is in the sky when it's dark, but the sun is in the sky in the daytime when nobody needs it."
“當然是月亮。月亮在天黑時掛在天空，但太陽是在白天誰也不需要它時掛在天空。”
Dumas仲馬
One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry. “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”
有一天，一個人在嘲弄法國大小說家亞歷山大·仲馬，譏笑他的祖先。 那傢伙厲聲說：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血兒，你父親是黑白混血兒，而你的祖父是個黑人。” “是的，”仲馬大聲回敬：“還有呢，如果你想知道的話， 我的曾祖父是一隻猴子。其實我的血統起始於你的血統終止的地方。”