我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子
是財政部長。我岳母是作戰部長，我女兒是外交祕書。”
“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的'同事說，“那你的職務是什麼呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢。”
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在飯館裏吃過晚飯，父親把服務生叫了過來。
”先生，什麼事?“服務生問。
”我兒子的盤子裏剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動地叫喊着。”咱家養狗了嗎?“
腦移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一個外科醫生正要作一個腦移植手術。
“你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。”醫生告訴病人，“一個心理學家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。
醫生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”
不是我的錯
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding訓斥，譴責 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的錯
媽媽(正教訓她的女兒)：你不該拽貓的尾巴。
女兒：媽，我只是握着貓尾巴，它自己在拽。
父親在哪?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了一會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
兩塊蛋糕
Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!