Neither 都不是
It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.
At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"
"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."
正值當地競選時期，候選人到他的區域的千家萬戶登門拜訪。
候選人來到了一家門口，一個小男孩開了門。“告訴我，年輕人，”候選人問道，“你母親是在共和黨還是在民主黨?”
“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”
誰發現了澳大利亞?
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me,Johnny.
老師: 約翰尼，在地圖上給我找出澳大利亞在什麼地方。
Johnny: It's there , sir.
約翰尼: 先生，在這兒。
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
老師: 對了。薩默，你來回答是誰發現了澳大利亞?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
薩默: 先生，是約翰尼。
人們什麼時候說話最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的'複數形式是什麼?
Tom: Men.
湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的複數形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
我丈夫剛進來
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
在飯館裏坐着一對夫婦，他們看上去非常高興。但是當那女子向旁邊瞥了一眼時，服務員馬上跑了過來。
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“夫人，您瞧,” 他說,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
“不，他沒有,” 她回答,“我丈夫剛從門外進來。”
Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩爭論
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
一個小女孩和她的老師正在談論有關鯨魚的事情。
她的老師說：“一頭鯨魚從身體構造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個人的。因爲儘管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動物，可它的嗓子非常小。”
那個小女孩說約拿(一位西伯來先知)就是被鯨魚吞掉的。
她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說：“從身體構造角度來講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個人的。”
那個小女孩說：“那等我到了天堂，就去問問約拿。”
她的老師問：“那麼，假如約拿下了地獄怎麼辦?”
那個小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問他。”
A Duel 決鬥
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
小彼得從操場回到家時，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。
顯然他剛與人惡鬥了一番，而且打輸了。父親問兒子發生了什麼事。“噢，爸爸，彼得說，我向拉里挑起決鬥，而且我讓他挑選武器。”
“嗯，”父親說，“這看上去很公平!”
“我知道，但我沒想到他選擇了他姐姐!”