Goldfish 金魚
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
弗雷德：你想在哪兒養它們?
Stan: In the bathroom.
斯丹：浴室。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡時怎麼辦?
Stan: Blindfold(矇眼睛) them!
斯丹：矇住它們的眼睛!
Now I have two skunks in there
"We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher. "How can we get it out?"
"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard. Then leave the cellar door open."
Sometime later the resident called back. "Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher.
"No," replied the caller. "Now I have two skunks in there!"
“我們的地下室裏有一隻臭鼬，”打電話的人對警察調度員尖叫道。“我們怎樣才能把它弄出來?”
“弄一些麪包屑，”調度員說;“從地下室往外鋪一條小道直到後院。然後將地下室的門打開。”
一段時間後，那人又打電話打了回來。“你們將它弄出來了嗎?”調度員問他。
“沒有，”打電話的人答道，“現在那兒有兩隻臭鼬了。”
誰纔是有色人種
Dear white, something you got to know
親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。
When I was born, I was black.
當我出生時，我是黑色的
When I grow up, I am black.
我長大了，我是黑色的
When I’m under the sun, I’m black.
我在陽光下，我是黑色的
When I’m cold, I’m black.
我寒冷時，我是黑色的
When I’m afraid, I’m black.
我害怕時，我是黑色的
When I’m sick, I’m black.
我生病了，我是黑色的
When I die, I’m still black.
當我死了，我仍是黑色的。
you—white people,
你——白種人
When you were born, you were pink.
當你出生時，你是粉紅色的'
When you grow up, you become white.
你長大了，變成白色的
You’re red under the sun.
你在陽光下，你是紅色的
You’re blue when you’re cold.
你寒冷時，你是青色的
You are yellow when you’re afraid.
你害怕時，你是黃色的
You’re green when you’re sick.
你生病時，你是綠色的
You’re gray when you die.
當你死時，你是灰色的
And you, call me color?
然後，你叫我“有色種人”?
博士與小廝
A wealthy old lady who lived near t used to send him presents occasionally by her t took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said，“ my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.” Swift turned round and said，“My boy， that is not the way to deliver your ， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.” The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy said“Come in.” The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，“If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.” The boy answered，“Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.” The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.
在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時常打發僕人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙着寫東西，小廝衝進了他的房間，把書一扒拉，將一個包裹扔在書桌上，說道：“我的女主人送給你兩隻兔子。” 斯威夫特轉過身來說：“孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀。現在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎麼送的，並要記取這個教訓。” 小廝坐了下來，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門，等待迴音。小廝說“進來”。博士進了門，走到桌旁說道：“先生，我的女主人向您致以親切的問候，並希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地裏打的。” 小廝回答說：“謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關心。這兩個先令是送給你本人的。” 博士笑了，打那以後，斯威夫特從沒忘記送小費給小廝。
動機
My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動機”。“是什麼推動你在人生的路上向前走?”他問道，“是什麼讓你每天上學來?又是什麼驅使你追求成功?”衝着一個女學生，他問：“是什麼讓你早晨從牀上爬起來的呢?”學生答道：“我媽媽。”
Only One Instance
Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
″I have known many an instance(實例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″
一個星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那裏有他的幾封信。他打開其中一封,發現信中只寫着“傻瓜”兩個字。
他平靜而認真地把這件事告訴教友們：“寫信時忘了簽名的人,我遇到過很多,但只簽了名卻忘了寫信的人,我還是頭一次遇到。”