民族短笑話爆笑的一：
真有一巴掌拍死他的衝動
男朋友昨晚睡覺睡得好好，突然一下把我緊緊的抱着，呢喃了一句“還好，你還在。”瞬間哭的稀里嘩啦的，結果這貨來了句，“都說了，這頭豬我不賣。”
這個你就放心吧
最近在網上看了很多關於閨密撕逼的貼，今天我跟閨密開玩笑說：“女人之間真的好可怕，咱們平時這麼相親相愛，說不定哪一天你就在別人面前說我綠茶婊了呢。”閨密聽後眼神堅定望着我說：“這個你就放心吧，綠茶婊，首先顏要過得去，像你長這樣，怎麼婊也沒人去理會你。”
你想讓我出來就趕緊消失在我眼前
一男一女被人追殺，跑着跑着，遇見一條牆縫，女的把衣服脫了才鑽過去，男的鑽到一半卡住了。女：用力啊，就差一點點。男：你走啊女：我怎麼可以扔下你不管。男：你想讓我出來就趕緊消失在我眼前。
你姐是個雕
昨天跟姐姐，姐夫一起去看撒嬌女人最好命，然後電影中說男人都喜歡小鳥依人的女人，然後我就問我姐夫，我姐是不是小鳥依人的，姐夫神回覆，你姐是個雕!
我不會欺負它的
女兒毛毛特調皮，比男孩子還男孩子。星期天我帶她去動物園玩耍，在接近一個關東北虎的鐵籠子時，我提醒毛毛：“離它遠點!”毛毛聞聽，幽幽地接話道：“媽媽，沒事。我今天心情好，不會欺負它的!”
兒子想要什麼樣的老婆
一天，媽媽問兒子：“你將來想找個什麼樣的.老婆啊?”兒子仰起臉天真的說：“我要找個像媽媽這樣的!”媽媽很高興的繼續問：“爲什麼啊?”兒子說：“這樣，我以後有外遇老婆也發現不了。”
給我滾遠點
老師：“國旗就像我們的母親，我們要像愛護母親一樣愛護國旗。” 小明：“你把你媽吊起來掛杆子上啊!” 老師：“滾出去!”
當事人和肇事者
老婆懷孕了，老公想陪她一起到醫院做個檢查，恰好有事去不了，只能讓她一個人去了。回到家，老公問老婆檢醫生怎麼說。老婆滿臉不悅的道：“醫生說，怎麼當事人一個人來了，肇事者沒有陪同啊?!”
民族短笑話爆笑的二：
Easy or Not
Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".
"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"
一位婦女把車沿着我們銀行的驅車直達窗口開過來，可她並不滿意於她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點。還是不滿意，倒車，再來。五次努力後，終於她把車停下來，搖下車窗。我簡單地問候她一聲“早上好”。
“早上好，”她愉快地回答說，“以後我都要使用這種驅車直達窗口。真是如此的方便。”
假如我是一個經理
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.
一天課上，老師要同學們以如果我是一個經理爲題寫一篇作文。所有的學生都在動筆寫了，只有一個男生例外。老師走過去問他爲什麼不寫。我在等我的祕書。那孩子答道。
A Life for a Life(以“命”抵命)
The English author，Richard Savage，was once living in London in great order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well r a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his e end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” “I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage.
英國作家理查德·薩維奇一度在倫敦過着貧困潦倒的生活，爲了賺幾個錢，他曾寫了有關他自己生平的故事。但是這部書在書店裏並沒有賣出幾本，薩維奇過着朝不保夕的日子。由於缺乏食物，他病得很厲害。後來，由於給他治療的那個醫生的高明醫術，他才又恢復了健康。過了一兩個星期之後，醫生給薩維奇送來了一張討要診費的帳單，但是貧窮的薩維奇沒有錢來償付。醫生等了一個月後又送來了帳單，但仍然未索回分文。幾個星期之後，他又送來帳單要錢。最後，醫生本人來到了薩維奇的家中，對他說：“你明白，你是欠我一條命的，我希望你有所報答。” “是的，”薩維奇說，“我是欠你一條命，爲了向你證明我對你的診治不是不報答，我將把我的命給你。” 說着這番話，薩維奇遞給醫生兩卷書，名叫《理查德·薩維奇的一生》。
What Was It She Wanted?
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.
一個商店經理聽見一個店員對顧客說：“不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。”經理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當然，馬上就會有的。我們上週訂了貨。”然後經理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什麼——說我們已經訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現在你說她要買什麼?” “雨，”店員說。
A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡
A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
“哦，絕對不會。它是一隻虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。
“你看見它腿上的這些細繩了嗎?當你拉動右面的這根，它會背誦天主經，當你拉動左面的那根，它會背誦讚美詩”
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩條繩子，會發生什麼呢?”
“我會從樹幹上掉下去的，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
再愛我一次
大林下班回家太晚了，老婆破口大罵。大林小聲辯解：“結婚前愛得死去活來，結婚後簡直是判若兩人!你就不能再愛我一次?”老婆聽了，聲音更大了：“你個王八蛋!”“我是讓你愛我，不是讓你罵我!”老婆振振有詞：“打是親，罵是愛嘛!要不我再親你一次?”
等價交換.
甲：你老婆不是要你戒菸嗎?怎麼又抽上了呢?乙：跟老婆進行等價交換!
甲：什麼等價交換?乙：我跟老婆說要戒菸可以，但必須答應我一個條件!甲：什麼條件?乙：要戒菸就不能要求幹次數，要幹就得讓我抽菸。
我笑尿了
今早上騎摩托車去上班，前面岔路上拐出一哥們，帶着頭盔，是全盔的那種，一手加油門，一手拿支菸，把煙從頭盔的透視窗那裏往嘴裏遞的時候高潮來了，菸頭掉頭盔裏了，你能想象那哥們剎車摘頭盔的樣子嗎，我想他這輩子也不會再這樣抽菸了吧。