1. Brown: I'm sorry to see you so unwell. Have you seen the doctor?
Jack: Yes. I'm having three baths a day.
Brown: What for?
Jack: Don't know, doctor's orders. He gave me some medicine and told me to follow the directions on the bottle, whichread: "One tablespoonful to be taken three times a day in water."
2. Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
An art critic was used to criticizing very severely and in a very detailed way.
When he was commenting on one painting and then on another in the gallery, he pointed at a picture and said: "It's showing a marked lack of technique and understanding. Look! Those trees seem to have no form, and the grass has not roots. And here you see the artist had attempted to draw a fly to catch the public eye, I would not disapprove of it if he had been able to draw it better and made it like a fly. But this fly looks like a lump of mud and has not the character of a fly."
At this point while the critic was still rambling, the fly on that picture suddenly look wing and flew away.
有個美術評論家習慣於吹毛求疵。
當他在美術館裡評論一幅幅畫作時，就指著一幅畫說：“這幅畫顯得缺乏技巧和領悟，瞧!那些樹看來不像樣，那些草也沒有跟。你們再看這裡，作者還特地畫了一隻蒼蠅來引人注意。要是他能畫的更好些，使它像只蒼蠅，我也不會發對。可是這隻蒼蠅就像一塊爛泥，也沒有蒼蠅的.特徵。”
正當這位評論家還在喋喋不休地大發議論時，畫上那隻蒼蠅忽然張開翅膀飛走了。
3.An empolyee said to his boss, "I've been here for six years doing two men's work for one man's pay. "
有一個員工跟老闆說：“我在這裡6年了，領一個人的薪水，卻做兩個人的事。”
現在完成時可以表示過去持續到現在的動作或狀態，通常用for或since來引導所持續的時間，如：I have been here for six years.
4.Now I want a raise.
現在我要加薪。
The employer replied, "Well, I can't give you a raise, but if you'll tell me who the other man is, I'll fire him."
他的老闆回答：“嗯，我不能給你加薪，但是如果你告訴我另外一個人是誰，我會開除他。”
5.Mrs. Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: "NOBODYHOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING."
When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:
"THANKS! WE HAVEN'T LEFTANYTHING!"
6.An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everythingtoo dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?'
'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.'
The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.'
'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.'
'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.'
一位耳聾並且總是嫌東西太貴的老太太走進一家商店。她問店員：“這東西要多少錢?”
“七美元，太太，這是很便宜的。”
老太太說：“太貴了，十四美元差不多。”
店員忙說：“我沒說十七美元，是七美元。”
“還是太貴，”老太太說：“五美元，我就買啦。”