生活中煩心的瑣事總是有的，你會有時不愉快，那你就來看看我們的英語笑話，下面由本站小編為大家整理的英語笑話。
最希望得到的簽名
Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."
我們大學的校報開辦了一個每週一問的專欄。上週的問題是：“你最想要什麼人的簽名?為什麼?”和預計的一樣，大部分的回答都是歌星、體育明星或者政治家。但是，最優秀的答案來自一個一年級新生，他説：“在我畢業證上簽字的那個人。”
動機
My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動機”。“是什麼推動你在人生的路上向前走?”他問道，“是什麼讓你每天上學來?又是什麼驅使你追求成功?”衝着一個女學生，他問：“是什麼讓你早晨從牀上爬起來的呢?”學生答道：“我媽媽。”
最醜的孩子
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
一位女士抱着她的寶寶上公交車，司機看到後説：“額，那是我這輩子見過的.最醜的小孩。”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
女士走到車廂後面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對旁邊的男士説：“司機剛剛羞辱了我。”男士迴應説：“你快上去斥責他。去吧，我替你抱着你的猴子。”
我娶了你的姐妹
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
一位婦人發現丈夫回家的時候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個毛病。一個萬聖節夜裏，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹後，準備在丈夫返家時攔截他的去路。
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
當丈夫走近時，她從樹後跳出來，站到他面前，頭上帶着紅色的羊角、身後有長長的尾巴，手中握着鋼叉。
"Who are you?" he asked.
“你是誰?”丈夫問到。
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫説，“我娶了你的姐妹!”
A Duel 決鬥
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
小彼得從操場回到家時，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。
顯然他剛與人惡鬥了一番，而且打輸了。父親問兒子發生了什麼事。“噢，爸爸，彼得説，我向拉里挑起決鬥，而且我讓他挑選武器。”
“嗯，”父親説，“這看上去很公平!”
“我知道，但我沒想到他選擇了他姐姐!”
Neither 都不是
It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.
At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"
"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."
正值當地競選時期，候選人到他的區域的千家萬户登門拜訪。
候選人來到了一家門口，一個小男孩開了門。“告訴我，年輕人，”候選人問道，“你母親是在共和黨還是在民主黨?”
“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”