導語;本站小編爲大家整理了笑破肚子的英語小笑話,希望大家能展顏一笑,更多內容盡在本站笑話欄目。
1 a lie
Mom: "Which banana do you want, Victor?"
Victor: "I want that one of the greatest."
Mom: "Victor, you should be polite, to have that little one."
Victor: "Mom, I must lie to be polite?"
媽媽：“你要哪一隻香蕉，維克多?”
維克多：“我要那隻最大的。”
媽媽：“維克多，你應該懂禮貌，要那隻小的。”
維克多：“媽媽，難道懂禮貌就必須說謊嗎?”
2 Who Is the Laziest 誰最懶
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶?
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，你知道!想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐着，只是看人家做功課?
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
But the teacher cried 可是老師哭了
3 Two Birds 兩隻鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老師： 這兒有兩隻鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪隻是燕子，哪隻是麻雀嗎?
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
4 Three Turtles 三隻烏龜
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
"We won't," the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
三隻烏龜決定去喝咖啡。它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。於是最大的那隻烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“回家去取傘吧。”
最小的`烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
“我們不喝，”另外兩隻烏龜答應說。
兩年後，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在這時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去。”
5 Who is Stupid 誰愚蠢
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一個老師在對學生們講心理學，“誰認爲自己蠢就站起來?”她一開始就說。
小約翰尼站了起來。
“你認爲你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問。
“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站着。”
6 Lost Purse 丟失的錢包
A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
一個女人丟了手提包，有一個誠實的小孩撿到後交還給了她。她看了看錢包，說：“嗯，這麼有趣，我丟的時候裏面是一張20美元，現在成了20張一美元。”
“沒錯，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我撿到錢包時，那位夫人沒有零錢獎賞給我。”
7 I know who god is 我知道上帝是誰了
A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or woman?
The mom thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman.
The son is confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?
The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.
The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mommy?
The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and
straight.
The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson?
兒子：媽媽，上帝是白人還是黑人?
媽媽：寶貝，上帝是白人也是黑人!
兒子：那上帝是男人還是女人?
媽媽：寶貝，上帝是男人也是女人!
兒子：哦。我知道了，上帝是邁克爾•傑克遜!
8 His Fault 他的錯
Billy: Mother, Bobby broke a window.
Mother: How did he do it?
Billy: I threw a rock at him and he ducked.
比利：媽媽，波比打壞了窗玻璃。
媽媽：他怎麼打的?
比利：我向他扔石頭，他躲開了。